To infinity and beyond…

Despite 10oC temperatures trying to convince me otherwise, spring is definitely here. Verges and gardens are a-bloom with massed daffodils and tulips; shrubs, trees and hedgerows are a haze of pale green and the geese are flying north again. Although to my mind it looked more like west…

Maybe the geese I saw were taking the scenic route? Maybe the honking I heard was the Anserinean version of the young child’s ubiquitous whine of ‘Are we there yet?’ To which Mother Goose would reply with a sharp honk and a toss of her feathered head, ‘If your father would just condescend to ASK someone for directions we might actually reach the breeding grounds before the end of summer!’ But then who am I to question the navigational abilities of migrating geese? They fly halfway around the world each year while I can barely find my way out of my own driveway without my trusty satnav to guide me.

Now there is a truly amazing invention! I wonder how many marriages have been saved since satnavs became commonplace, because arguing about why women can’t read maps and why men never stop to ask for directions has to be right up there when it comes to Most Cited Reasons For Divorce. In fact of you really want to know why women can’t read maps I suggest you try Allen and Barbara Pearce’s Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps – an informative guide to understanding the opposite sex (although personally I prefer Peppa Pig’s version of the story in which Daddy Pig always has the map upside down). Seriously though, read the book. At least I now understand why Mr S is more than happy to buy me a new car, yet never thinks to take out the dustbin or load the dishwasher.

However, satnavs can sometimes lead you astray. Mine is usually very reliable except when it’s urging me to take the fifth exit from a four-exit traffic circle. Picture me hunched over the steering wheel, a wild gleam in my eyes as I pass the Little Chef restaurant for the third time in my attempt to locate the mythical fifth exit. Maybe it’s like Brigadoon and only appears every 100 years? Thankfully though, my satnav’s blips have so far been restricted to its apparent quest to find an existential bridge in the space-time continuum. Unlike one person who has named his temperamental satnav Thelma (of Thelma and Louise fame) because he honestly believes it will one day lead him off a cliff…

As a result I am considering potential names for mine. Initially I referred to it as ‘the voice in my head’ but dropped that as I had trouble differentiating it from all the other voices in my head! Current contenders in Name That Satnav are:

  • Voyager (to boldly go where no man has gone before)
  • Buzz Lightyear (to infinity and beyond)
  • Peter Pan (second star to the right and straight on till morning)

And of course, Thelma.

I have to admit that I currently favour ‘Thelma’. Not, I hasten to add, because I suspect my nefarious nav device of plotting my demise-by-cliff. Rather, the name is a reminder that it is only by overcoming obstacles and journeying through the difficult times that we grow and learn. On the other hand ‘Voyager’ and ‘Buzz Lightyear’ remind me to keep moving the goalposts and to reach for the stars.

Hmm, tough decision…

I may just have to stick with ‘the voice in my head’. After all, with so many in there already, what’s one more between friends!

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